She Swears I'm a Good Mom

Today after work Vivi wanted to go see Phoebe, my parent's dog. We weren't going to see grandma and grandpa (she does like to see them, too), so I told her, "No, we need to get gas." Then from the back seat I hear every mom's nightmare: "Ass?" I just cracked up and she kept yelling "Ass! Ass!" from the backseat all the way to the gas station; I could barely contain myself. However, once I thought of all the terrible places she could repeat that word, I decided we needed to practice our G's and I haven't been able to get her to repeat "Ass" since. Whew!

While that incident didn't exactly make me feel like a bad mom because I didn't actually say the word, she does say 'Crap' whenever I say it, so I'm trying to be more careful, but it could be worse, right?

Then tonight before bed I was reminded that sometimes I do things right. As we were reading one of our nighttime stories, she looked at me and said "Prayer." Yes, my almost two-year old daughter was reminding me we needed to say prayer before bed, which is something she does very often. Almost every dinner time she reminds Doug and I of "Prayer!" even if we've already started eating. So, we put down our forks, all hold hands, and say a prayer. She starts the prayer holding our hands, but she usually grabs her cup to take a drink or takes another bite of food during the prayer, but she always regroups for 'Amen!' (which sounds like 'aeee-mum')

The during church on Sunday, she made sure Doug and I each had a hymn book for 'singing' and then put the books back for us after the song. When it was time for the opening prayer, put her hands in her lap and bowed her head (all the way to her knees...of which I'm jealous) and was quiet through the whole prayer (ok, she looked up a couple times to say 'Love you!' but I'm not counting that because it's sweet and she put her head right back down until 'aeee-mum'). She reverently (as reverently as an almost 2 year old can) took the bread and water of the sacrament, including carefully drinking every last drop of the water. I looked at Doug as all this occurred (but especially during the prayer) with tears in my eyes and thought 'We must be doing something right, right?' Church doesn't normally go this smoothly for us, but it was a peak into the fact that we may not be doing everything wrong either :)

Plus, only good moms give their children chocolate cake after they eat all their veggies...which makes them very happy.

We Are the...Caretakers.

There's been a lot going on in my life that has just driven home the fact that women are the caretakers of their world. As we start our families, we take care of our families by cooking, cleaning, protecting, disciplining, supporting, kissing owies, bathing, and teaching. As our children grow up, we take care less of their physical needs (but make sure there is plenty of Top Raman in the cupboards while they are home) but take care/worry about their emotional and spiritual needs.

Then as we get older we take care of our children less (ideally) and our attention turns to our spouses, friends, and family as health begins to fail and partners are separated in the mortal sphere. We are there to provide companionship, meals, physical aide and moral support. Women have a special capacity to 'mourn with those that mourn, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort.' We provide the intangibles that can make this sometimes unbearable life bearable and the overwhelming seem conquerable.

Taking care of others, compassion and charity is what we do. And I'd like to say who we are. This is what I've learned from the amazing women in my life.

Freakish Baby Strength

As of this week, I am 20 weeks into my 2nd pregnancy! Half way there! This pregnancy is much different than the last one (as described in an earlier post), but overall it's been great. I'm feeling the baby kicking and moving a lot more, which is great at this stage because it just feels funny...it's not like you have a foot in your lungs yet.

However, I am having a heck of a time with Vivienne and her freakish strength (which she apparently gets from Doug's mom) during fits/tempter tantrums. You moms know what I'm talking about: the arching of the back, locking the legs straight, and arms up in the air fight as you try to get said toddler in their car seat or high chair. Oh, and during diaper changes and whenever she just doesn't want to do something. Before, these fits were much more infrequent, but also not as big of a deal because she was smaller and I was much stronger.

Well, now she is bigger and I am much weaker...and off balance, no muscle tone, loose joints, etc...because of the pregnancy bit. It's very frustrating to have such a hard time physically making the little angel you brought into this world do what you need them to do!  I can barely force her to 'un-arch' her back by pushing on her belly, which I don't really want to do because I don't want to hurt her. Forget about getting her to force her to bend her legs; her leg hereditary (and inevitable) leg strength is a source of pride and anger. And who knew a 25 lb toddler ended up weighing 75lbs when they decide to go limp and give you dead weight to deal with?

I've finally resorted to swatting her on the butt when it comes to the car seat (because I can't exactly put her in timeout while we're in the car) and that has been affective for now because I don't normally spank her, so it's got the shock factor (I don't even have to spank her hard). However, when that stops working and in other circumstances, what am I supposed to do? It will only get worse before it gets better as I get more pregnant she gets deeper into her 'terrible two's' (which can also be they very sweet and loving twos, seeing as today she almost tripped me as we walked into Safeway so she could hug my legs and say "Love you!").

Doug is great at helping when he is around, but he's not always here when she acts up and fights back. Do you have any ideas besides putting her timeout (we call them 'bummers') and swatting her on bum when necessary? I just don't know if I can physically keep up with her much longer!

God Knows What He's Doing

The Lord's timing, in a word, is "perfect." Who would've thought that God would have perfect timing?

That's seems like a stupid and obvious question, but how many times do we (I) question what the Lord is doing to us or not doing for us right now? Answer: all the time. This week my family received a reminder and confirmation that God is, in fact, very mindful of us, loves us, and knows what He's doing (go figure).

There are many things that have happened in my life, mostly since I've been married, that have given me such strong faith that everything happens for a reason and, even if we don't understand it at the time, it works for our benefit in the long run. Instead of going into everything that has happened in my life, I thought I'd share the microcosm of the Lord's timing that was this week.

Many of you know that Doug finished his Master's degree last year and we thought that was perfect timing because Vivi was just turning one, so we figured by the time we got done with his degree he'd get a job and we'd move out of our teeny, tiny one-bedroom (400 sq/ft) apartment and move on with our lives just as she needed more room to run around. Well, we applied and applied for jobs but to no avail. So, after pondering we decided we'd make due with our apartment and that maybe Doug needed to go back to school to get another degree that made him more hire-able, gave him more job options. So, we started going through the process of research, application, etc. this fall.

One of the programs he applied for was BYU, which had a prerequisite of taking a class that specified interviewing several people in the social work field. During that process he found out about a job opening at Deseret Industries, so he applied to that job, as well. To make a complicated story simple and short, we really struggled with whether we should go to BYU or take the job (of which neither option had been offered to us yet) because we didn't want to turn down one opportunity if that's where we were supposed to be. Doug started the interview process with DI much before we were to find out about BYU, so we just weren't sure how this was all going to work out. After a while, it didn't look like he was going to get the job at DI, but we figured we just weren't supposed to be there, so looked forward to more grad schools and possibly applying to other jobs.

Then we found out. Doug did not get accepted into BYU. Honestly, I didn't feel that discouraged by it. Maybe because, while it would've been a great experience, there would have been some serious drawbacks (ie moving with a brand new baby, health insurance issues, income issues, etc). I'd like to think the majority of my calm at this decision was because of my developed faith that things happen for a reason. In a way, this made things easier, so we'd just have to look forward. It was still disappointing, though.

The very next day and 2.5 months after he started the interview process, Doug got a phone call from DI offering him the job we thought there was no way he would get. Hallelujah! It's the perfect fit for him and our family; the only issue is it doesn't make much more than his job at Children's, but there are opportunities for raises, to move up in the organization. It's a great place to be and a great opportunity.

Before, we were worried we might have to turn down a job at DI because we thought we were supposed to go to BYU without actually knowing if he got accepted (like I said, this job application process was super long, so we figured we'd know about the job long before BYU). But, the Lord arranged it so we knew for sure about BYU and then provided us with the huge blessing of this job opportunity the very next day.

I think the Lord has and continues to strengthen our faith and trust in Him with each of these 'timing issues.' I can say that a few years ago, finding out Doug didn't get into BYU and still not knowing for sure about DI would have really made me mad...maybe even a little mad at God. Heck, even just waiting for one year for Doug to get a job got frustrating sometimes! However, by giving us other instances earlier in our lives where it has been proven to me that the Lord's timing is perfect, I was able to be have peace and know that we just hadn't found where the Lord wanted us yet. Don't get me wrong, I've prayed and cried about this issue and we still have things to work about, but instances like this tell me that my prayers are heard and the Lord will provide for us. God knows what He's doing.

Oh, the Highs and Lows

Most of this week has been a 'low.' Vivi was acting particularly 'toddler-y' and it got progressively worse as the week went on. The most frustrating part is that she is her most uncontrollable, inconsolable toddler-y when she's with me (which is most of the time), but when she's with Nana or Papa, she's mostly her fun-loving self. That is great, but also really irritating...and exhausting.

For example, I went to work without her on Friday morning because I went to court for my speeding ticket (another fun moment this week), so I left her with Nana (great-grandma). By all accounts she was great all morning, but by the time I got home her toddler-ness was in full swing. For the first full hour she screamed and cried about everything. She wanted a cracker, I gave her a cracker. Then she put the cracker with peanut butter in her hair and then threw it on the floor, so I threw it in the garbage. Then she wanted a cracker, which I didn't give her. That was a good 10 minute tantrum. Then she wanted out her high chair. Then she freaked out when I went to take her out. You get the picture?

It was so bad, as Doug left for cycling class, he asked if he should worry about finding both of us alive when he got home. I did throw her in the shower (not a cold one) after she put ketchup in her hair (bad mom confession: I wasn't going to bathe her after just the peanut butter because I was soooo 'done,' but I couldn't not wash her after the peanut butter and ketchup).

She may be getting her 2 year molars and I hope, for the all of our sakes, that's the case and they break through soon.

So, oh, how I was in love with today! Doug knew what I rough time I'd had and so he woke up with Vivi this morning and read to her, gave her breakfast (canned Salmon lol), and was so helpful with her. And she loved every minute of it. She loves her papa so much, so I think some of her frustration during the week is that she doesn't get to see her papa, play with him, and she's just sick of me. So Saturdays are usually glorious because I'm not a single parent anymore and Vivi is so much happier. And that makes all the difference; it allows my patience, compassion, and sympathy for Vivi to be renewed and my loved and adoration for Doug to be extended.

On that note, we went to the park today, which meant my daughter needed to accessorize. Even though, she's not 2 years old yet, Vivi definitely has some opinions about what she wants to wear sometimes. Note: the scarf, rain pants, polar bear coat, hat, and sunglasses; missing: the polka dot rain boots that she REALLY wanted to wear but were much too big for her to even walk in. I think she looks pretty cool, but Doug took off her hat and sunglasses when we got to the park.