Today I realized (one of) the hardest parts about being a mom: you can't quit. You don't get to just walk out and take a break. The 'boss' that won't get off your back is a two year old and you can't just walk away from them. You can do everything in your power to try to make them happy, but at the end of the day, that temperamental little creature will probably still try to smack you in the face and you can't hit them back.
If this were a 'regular' job, today I would've demanded a raise, taken a mental health day, and/or quit. Instead, I had to clean up several messes, make several messes to be cleaned up tomorrow (because I'm not doing it tonight), make dinner, give her a shower that she refused to take, and put her in 4 'bummers' (timeouts) in 20 minutes for things like dumping her milk on the floor, hitting me, putting the hot pads in the garbage after I told her not to, etc.
At one point I sat in the bathroom with my swollen hands and feet, silently cursed the fact that I hate moving because of my huge 8 month pregnancy belly, can't deal with being a mom anymore, and gave up. I jealously thought of how my husband gets to leave every day to a job where he helps people...and gets paid to do it. I emotionally quit. I started yelling at her, threatening her with spankings and bed time, and cried. Mercifully, bedtime went relatively smoothly, but I am exhausted.
I know all moms think this stuff and have their days. I think today was so hard because I've had a lot of searing back pain, a SUPER long weekend (weddings, Seattle to Portland bike ride, driving about 400 miles, etc), and a very tired/opinionated two year old who broke eggs in the grocery store, then started hitting me, won't listen to me worth crap, and won't go play by herself and give me a frickin break. I just want to nest for the new baby in peace and all I managed to do today was go grocery shopping, clean the kitchen up in time to get it dirty for dinner, and start on organizing Doug's shoes (totally different story).
Finally, after she went to bed, I sat down and read my scriptures and this verse stuck out to me: "And there appeared an angel unto him from heaven, strengthening him." (Luke 22:43). I know the Lord loves me and will strengthen me. And I really hope he sends me an angel...I could use it.
