Last night I was flipping through the channels and came across TLC's 'Toddlers and Tiaras' for the first time. I had heard of the show, but never watched it. And now I'm afraid I won't be able to look away from that train wreck. Here are just a couple short clips to familiarize yourself.
I'm sure my reaction was the same as many people. I think the audience of that show can probably break down into 2 groups: the ones who completely understand where these families are coming from and the families who think these parents are CRAZY. I fall into the latter category...for sure. In the first 2 minutes I was watching the show, one mom stated she had 2 girls competing in pageants, which meant if the entry fee was $1,800, she was spending $3,600. Whoa. Then she said she spent $10,000 the couple months on costumes for her girls. What?!
The next scene was a dad spraying tanning his 5 year old...with his paint sprayer...in their bathroom...while the girl was in her bathing suit. That's creepy dad.
As I thought about this more, I remembered an article I read recently in Parent Magazine about 'The Power of Princess' culture among little girls (because surely these girls are princesses, right?). The article was a discussion with Pamela Paul, the of a book titled 'Cinderella Ate My Daughter.' She wrote the book because she wanted to know what it meant for little girls to be pretty princesses. She points out that at the same time girls are achieving more than they ever have in history, there is also pressure "to define themselves based on how they look" and she wonders if all the pink, sparkly things are leading to young girls becoming hypersexualized, commercialized, and narcissistic.
Let me refer you back to the above videos as evidence because I think Paul is onto something.
Paul expands on her 'narcissistic' comment and I think there is truth to what she is saying...and it definitely applies to these toddlers in tiaras. She describes how girls have bags, pants, shirts, etc. that have "It's all about me!" "Spoiled" and "Pampered Princess" on them.
"Princesses are a way for girls to assert what's feminine about themselves," Paul said. "But princesses are also defining girls by telling them that how you look is who are."
She goes on to say that most parents to emphasize the stories in which these princesses belong, including the bad and good qualities. She think parents don't emphasize the stories because they don't want their daughters "focused on being helpless and trying to land a man." I think it's much simpler: despite the energy the parents of princesses in tiaras put into the pageantry, these parents are just lazy. Unfortunately, Paul correctly asserts that when parents don't tell the stories of the parents, they also don't tell their daughters about the resourcefulness, humility, strength and character. The laziness of these parents only leaves these girls with the 'bling' of princesses.
Paul issues a warning at the end that the parents of the 'Toddlers in Tiaras' should heed for the benefit of their daughters, "You also have to be mindful about where the whole princess culture is leading young girls: to wanting lip gloss at age 4 or wearing skimpy outfits by age 5. The challenge for us as parents is to make sure princesses don't become about old stereotypes and divahood but about something bigger and more joyful."
Do I think pageants are evil? Noooo....? Do I think the way these parents are raising their daughters is harmful (not in a CPS kind of way, most of the time)? Some of them. Here's my beef: we live in an age where our children think they are the center of the universe, and parents not only let them, but encourage it! What does it say to a child that her mother spent $5,000 on a skimpy costume that that little princess is going to prance around in for 30 seconds? What does it say to a daughter when her mother subjects her to eyebrow waxing when she's already had a bad experience where the girl's skin got peeled off? And don't even get me started on that mother in the 3rd clip who lets her daughter say and do whatever she wants without any consequences. And it is a little disturbing to see these girls made up and dressed up to look like dolls and/or girls 10 years older than they really are. To me, it doesn't say "I love you," it says "You are an investment."
I think it's okay for girls to be princesses, as long as parents let them know the right kind of princess. Not the kind that bosses people around, is mean, only cares about themselves, and where looks are the most important thing. It is up to the parents to teach that princesses are loving, polite, compassionate, smart, and hardworking. As cliche as it is, our little princesses need to be taught to be beautiful on the inside and the outside (but never to the point where they are crying in fear, eyebrow waxing mom!).
Although my daughter is only 1.5 years old, but I'd like to think we are sowing the seeds of a real princess: she says 'thank you', she spontaneously says 'I love you' (and whenever we leave anywhere), and she is helpful most of the time. Sure she has her typical toddler tantrums, but she also knows there are consequences. When she was older and if she wanted to, I'd let her try a pageant. But she'd work to pay for her costumes/fees and everything would be appropriate because there are more important things than being the prettiest (even in a fake way).
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